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Sunday, November 29, 2009

BATTLEBOY VS. THE UNIVERSAL CUSTODIAN - PART 1


FOR ALL REALITY


"Your... judgement... is... COME!"

The Alien Ghost pulls me backwards with all the tangibility he can muster.

Holding my ground, I wriggle loose and push off The Alien Ghost.

"AWAY, CUSTODIAN!"

The Universal Custodian reaches for his belt as he floats closer.

"AWAY!"

A cadre of alien ghosts conspire to bring me back to Purgatory.

As the dark spirits grow closer, I hear nothing but the screams of the damned.

The Universal Custodian pulls out a ring weighted with two hundred keys.

With a start, I bound into the air and wrap my arm around The Custodian's neck.

Spirits scree out of the way, as I pound The Custodian's face into oblivion.

"I DON'T PLAY GAMES, CUSTODIAN!"

The Cadre attacks with reckless abandon!

Taken unawares, I'm pulled from the Custodian and smashed onto the ground, fist after fist pummeling me with misguided vengeful rage, suffocating me in pain!

I try to regain control, but cannot get free of the lost souls.

As the fists fly, The Universal Custodian redirects his attention to his menagerie of keys, once more, searching for the implement in his mind's eye.

Finally, I thrash the spirits away and pounce for The Custodian.

The Custodian turns his key to open the door in the space-time continuum between he and myself.

Physically unable to stop myself, I rage into the void!

The screams of the lonesome spirits quiet, as the door creaks closed.

A refreshing cold envelops my body.

Floating forward from my own momentum, I grasp for anything that can even slow me, but nothing is visible.

Adrenaline throbbing, I punch and kick with all my rage.

That coward Custodian!

As far as I can see, white nothingness is all I find.

The shreiks of nomad souls has been replaced by a sort of silence I've never heard.

I continue moving, not slowing or speeding faster.

The constant push forward is almost too much to take.

I feel out of control.

I think hard of how I can escape this exile until the white turns to black!

I bang my head and open my eyes.

A blur is all I see. A blur in the abyss.

"Hello?"

I hear breathing.

"Who's there?"

The breathing gets faster.

I kick the black blur.

"UGH!"

"What's your name?"

I put my arm across his neck and hold his arms behind his back.

"Tell me your name, or I start breaking stuff."

Somehow, he breaks my hold, cracks one of my ribs with his elbow, and uppercuts me.

He lets me drift away, but not too fast.

"We have to stick together!"

He sounds like he might be listening.

"--If we want to get out!"

I can't stop myself from drifting!

I may never get back to another person in this entire dimension, wherever I am!

The Phantom throws me something without saying a word.

I can't make out what it is.

I catch it. A rope.

The Phantom pulls me in.

"With my powers and your help, we can find a way out."

No answer.

"Do you have powers?"

What do I do?!? This guy still won't talk.

Wait! I hear something!

Sounds bestial.

I hear it, again.

What is that?!?

Now, I hear it. My stomach is growling.

I'm sick with hunger!

TO BE CONTINUED!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

BattleBoy & THE BRINK OF GALAXY WAR

I glare out from the cell that holds me.

"I'm in here!"

"Good. Bye. We'll come get your corpse, of course, of course!"

"Not again!!!"

BLAM

They killed the Queen of Mongo!!!

Oh, my gosh, this means war! We're at war with the entire galaxy, a GALAXY WAR!!!

No, no, no, wait a minute. That's just a flesh wound. They're taking hostages.

They're leaving, absconding with Queen Jansa. They're just going to leave me here to starve to death and then come back for my dead body with which to create ghastly doppelgangers from the abyss. I'm so scared.

I hit the wall with full force and the bricks break upon my bare knuckles and fly into the faces of some straggling supermodels.

BOOOM

"AAAA!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!""AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAA!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!""AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAA!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!""AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAA!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!""AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAA!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!" "AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!""AAAAAGH!!" "AAAGH!!"

I block out the cries of agony and continue thrashing. Punch in the head. Kick in the stomach. Jab to the jugular. Stab in the side. Stick in the grill.

And so on and so forth, until...

I kick another girl in the stomach. She catches my foot and spins.

I twirl--

--in the air--

--at speeds estimated by myself at ninety miles an hour, but it's pretty hard to judge.

I spin in mid-air for what seems like an eternity. I utilize the time to clear my head. Focus. One slip up and I'm dead. Make no miracles, and galactic war becomes unavoidable.

I remember what Mars thought to me of time.

"Time is like the ocean."

I didn't know what he meant, but now I do.

I focus on my breathing. As the ground approaches, I put out my hands and break my fall without a 1/100th of a second's thought.

I focus on my hand as it punches the only remaining clone in face. I take her teleportation GPS box and...

...

... away, I go!

As my matter fades, my mind feels with a warming calm. I'm channeling my acrenaline. I can feel myself grow stronger.

I start to see shapes. I'm on the crest of a long mountain range.

The sun is high in the sky. It beats down on me with mid-day heat.

The distant ground below wiggles back and fortha nd I disorient. I feel the adrenaline rushing into me.

I regain my balance and above my head floats around one of the girls. I feel like I'll vomit. I fall to the ground.

The slight noise I made shows up as a blip on her viewscreen and she approaches. I hear her...
...

The woman, my would-be attacker, approaches. Twigs crunch beneath her heals, and leaves snap. Rocks break. How strong is this woman? My adrenal gland beats anew.

I pounce on the unready victim. I tear into her neck and snap her like so much paper. I scare myself with my unknown strength. I wanted but to gather information.

I continue along my way. A new day has dawned, yet again. And, it is my duty to see that it is not exinguished by evil's might.

"Help."

I hear Jansa's voice in my head. I think back to the woman I killed prior. Tears well up, but I refuse. I'm going to consumate my relationship with Jansa whether she wants me to do so or not. And then, I will be King of Outer Mongo...

As I tread the mountain ledge, the thin veil across reality flutters in the wind like only so much detritus.

My mind is calm. Although day, I feel night.

Suddenly,

KRANG

of nowhere racks me in the balls!

I fall helpless. The floor my only compeer.

"For what hath you carried out--"

The words cannot reach their targeted rendezvous for mine attacker disobeys the orders and requirements of even myself, his mental and physical better.

He's so... thin. Like a stick.

THUNK

And then, I realize he is a stick!

THWACKTHWACKTHWACK

The beating does nothing for me. I cannot breath. My back stings. I feel great.

I can't get up. I try, but fail.

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK

He proceeds to flog me, anew.

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK

And over.

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK

And, over.

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK

Until, I grab him, afraid, fearing for my life!

I beat him senseless against a rock.

He pleads for compassion, and I break him.

SNAP

I throw him to the four winds.

God can more truly guide him from here.

I walk.

On.

The sun in my eyes, She follows me. She's peaceful, and I feel peace.

"It was me in the yard."

"I know."

She's silent, as we float. I'm no longer weighted by my mortal coil.

On to the Queen of Mongo we drift. Past birdhouse and owl, trees and tennis courts, until finally I ask her.

"Why are you here."

I think I know the answer. I would say hope, but I haven't any left.

She leads me down the corridor and I become under tension, tunnel vision on her feature I admire most, her lips. Her large pouty lips. I remember in the courtyard, seeing those and wanting to touch them. I'm afraid. I'm terrified. No, I tremble. I tremble with anxiety and unease. I have moments before I pass from dehydration and exhaustion.

I scan the environs.

Sticks, trees, grass. Getting water won't be easy from those.

The lips.

I grab the girl as I sink to the ground.

She resists, but I affix her lips to my own and suck away.

She tries with all her might to resist, but I hold on.

She slaps me away, and I feel great. I'm back. But, we must find more water.

"What the--?!?"

"Where's water?"

After a long harangue, the girl told me where to find water.

I run headlong down the tunnel of my sight. I feel as a rabbit traversing his winding hole, into the World of the Dead. My mother, my father, my boroth

I will find water. I will find water! I will find water.

My vision blackening. There! Water!

I continue toward the sight of rehydration, though my sight is lost.

Don't panic. I fumble around. My hand runs through mud. I drop to my knees, almost in desperation until my hand fins something wet.

I cup the liquid to my mouth and drink until I regain full bodily function and beyond.
...

I make it back to where I left the girl, and she's gone, so I continue along the path.
...

Twenty minutes have passed, and I've spotted the castle.

I would bet money, the girl's in there.
...

KNOCK

KNOCK

"Who is it?"

The musty air heeds no reply.

"Hold y'r horses! I'm comin'!"

The mighty ogre, bruised from years of abuse to his massively grotesque countenance, lumbers to the knotted wooden door.

CRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK

He swings the door open to find nothing but the tattered shirt of some small pixie he once squashed dancing in the wind as it tries its darnedest to wriggle free of the branch on which its become entangled.

The pixie Gweneth once wore that shirt. The ogre (his name's Dung) asked her on a date a life time ago. She was squashed immediately upon refusal. How do I know this? It appeared in my mind's eye mere seconds ago.

KRAK

BOOOOOOOKKOKOKOKOKOKOKOOOKOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

The ogre destroys the flooring, as his body meets the ground. I made sure most of the weight was distributed to his head. So, he's quite unconscious. I never knew ogres were such sensitive creatures.

Onward I march.

The castle of Jansa's abductors (an army of her own ruthless clones, if I'm remembering correctly) is quite laborious.

I run down the corridor, as an ant runs to a bread crumb across the length of a checkered picnic blanket.

THWOONG KUNK

An arrow in my side!

I turn and pounce upon the shooter.

He's mere cloth, a tunic, with no body. I hit the floor and can't bring myself to get up. I've

been

drugged.
...

I awake in a carbon-based room of green incandecense.

The light re-energizes me, and a gunshot ricochets off the wall.

KA-POW

My heart races.

I run to the door.

My vision's going.

I race to the sink.

Through a tunnel of blurred speed lines.

I feel bad.

I'm terrified.

Help!

KONK

I'm hit over the head.

I grab the bitch's hand.

It's

"JANSA!"

"No, my name is Sa."

She looks incredulous.

And, she shuts me down.

"Don't try it, or I'll have my guards lock you down in my vault under the Aegean Sea."

I have to get water.

"Let me have a drink!"

"Okay. Fine."

She turns on the spicket.

SSSSSHHHH

I fill my palms and drink.

I'm back.

My mind shifts. I rega--

KONK
...

My head hurts.

I look over and see the skull of my best friend Mike. He was only ten, last time I saw him, still I recognize the corpse.

"LET ME LOOSE!!!"

This is it. Seems like everything's lead to this. I just hope I live to fight another day.

My head throbs with psychic energy. It stings like a superconductor.

I feel like my head might catch fire, but my arms are bound. All I can do is try to focus.

Focus on the energy flowing through my skull.

"Enjoy yourself. You'll not be live for long!"

The shrill, almost insane, voice is that of Jansa's clone. I'll remember that voice forever.

"What is your name, Clone?"

"I am Jansa."

"NO, YOU AREN'T"

"You don't know anything. All you know are lies. Slice him up."

The alien torture master, massive cranium covered in holographic implants, drags his grotesque being into my space and starts his saw.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

My head explodes!

My bonds are broken.

"His strength! You said it's twas gone, but--!"

POW

I punch her in the face out of necessity and run.

"Get him!"

I punch the tortured alien menace through the head, doughy plasma congealing along my forearm.

Aliens come after me, one after another. I make a game out of using their bodies against their friends. It gets fun once you have some unconscious weapons.

FIRE!

I take down a big one.

"You know you can't handle my fury."

"We.."

know.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD, ALIEN!!!"

I go wild, smashing every alien I can get my hands on.

I'm

Thrashing their puny baby skulls is like popping grapes, not particularly fun, but not terribly hard.

the

Over and over, the teeth fly and scatter on the floor. There must be seventy chompers on the rug of this minimalist sadomasochism chamber.

one

My fists work as one and I time as a machine. My body works autonomously. I am my authentic self.

being

I am focused.

invaded

The alien is still talking to me. What's he saying?

We mean no harm.

"WHAT?!?"

The Galaxy War now seems imminent.

Galaxy War can be averted.

If.

You.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?

Help us.

"GET OUT!"

I smash the stupid alien in the face and run.

"GIVE ME JANSA!"

Through the corridor, I approach a pleasant sound, soothing me. The tension, the stress leaves me. I feel like a kid with a crush, but it's just a cute sound. Something falls over me and I forget where I am...

And, I'm standing with a beautiful girl that reminds me of someone I once knew back in school in Hawaii. Beautiful black hair, shapely figure, and so nice.

She smiles at me and I'm in Heaven. I'm older, now. I can actually do somthing with her. Trouble is I've been in the testing facility so long, I have no idea how to concemate a relationship with a woman. A sexual relationship. Does that make sense?

Does that make sense? Hello?

Oh, I forgot you're not talking. This whole process is so... foreign to me.

Anyway, I bounce into bed with this woman, and she calls me Her Little Teddy Bear.

I think, Man, that's pretty cool.

Before I know it, I'm sitting in a pool of my own slobber, drooling for hours while doctors are conducting more tests on me. More tests. More. Tests. Girl. Are. Damn. These. The same guys? Girls. Guys and girls. And girls in Hawaii and me and what? Where

BAM

I punch myself in the face.

Damn, that felt good in a bad way.

"Where am I?"

No answer. I vacate the room. Where was I? I go into a room with some aliens! Shit! I bolt for the door, but they mean business! I punch and punch to no avail! They overtake me and strap me down into what seems like a torture chair! Fuck, I'm scared!

The straps hold tight. This is some heavy duty stuff.

"Look above."

That voice. Sick!

A large flat screen descends and throws an image into the air of a rabbit jumping in front of a car full of kids as they run for their lives.

"What is this?"

"Earth."

"I thought this was earth."

It looks like he looks at his friend for some reason. What's up with that?

"Sort of... but this is where YOUR from, here on the viewscreen."

The tires screech, the car flips, and hundreds of people push through the accident. Now, I see what they're running from, KILLER DRONES, launching explosive devices.

The drones keep coming and coming, blowing up people just as easily as they explode through buildings. Wreckage is strewn across the road, fire breathes from the earth. The sky bleeds and rain falls on everyone as they run in panic and terror.

Battle Boy looks away from the monitor.

"You can't do it! STOP!"

WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE WANT.

THE HORROR!

The Galaxy War is begun!

And, I am unfreed to move myself to action.

Stuck on my bum, thanks to this mob of alien scoundrels.

They just told me telepathically that they can basically do anything they want. Well, I don't agree with that. And, I'll let them know.

"What will you have me do?"

WHAT WILL WE--?

"Masters."

"Balaxious!"

A cry of war, if ever I'd heard one.

Of course, I hadn't. So, I really have no idea, at this point, what's happening.

I expect anything and I'm frightened out of my mind!

Mars told me when I'm this frightened, my strength and endurance are also heightened, but that doesn't calm my nerves.

Truthfully, I'm learning to cultivate this state of awareness.

The emotions scare me more than anything. You could say I scare myself.

I scare myself.

YOU WILL BE OUR NEW WARRIOR.

"I am your weapon."

The words sound strange, but not to me. The aliens are starting to come around.

THOUGH YOUR HEART RACES, YOUR MIND IS CALM. We believe you.

The bonds relinquish their hold over me, and I stand.

My legs give out from inactivity.

I massage my muscles and stand in front of my apparant alien leader.

"I know where to strike."
...

I jump to the heart of the Valley. Destruction's her name, yet she teems with life. As the cool jungle air flies through my hair, I let out a HOWL.

HHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A cloud of Bats fly at me from the caverns below.

I evade the blood-stained bestial beings.

KKKIIAYAYYAAYKKKYAAYKYAKYAKYAKAYKYAKYAKYAKYAKYAKYAKYAKKKIIAYAYYAAYKKKYAAYKYAKYAKYAKAYKYAKYAKYAK

As they grope for my eyes, I swat. And, swat.

Soon, the bat's catch on. No one messes with Battle Boy.

I dive through the cavern, into the maelstrom of my own tortured psyche. Fear, Mine Only Companion.

And suddenly, a massive blow to the head.

KRUMPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Must keep terror levels elevated!

I get up and walk towards the light streaming in from the surface. The rest of the massive cave is pitch black. Things scudder along the walls. I'm scared and disgusted.

As I approach the light, a calm passes over me.

I resist and move forward toward The Waterfall.

"These beasts must die!"

My blood boils, once more, as I head down.

I follow the trickle of the stream. Loaded for bare with every kind of weapon imaginable to the crude subserviant, I'm actually getting somewhat exhausted. Must think of something else. Don't think.

I focus on the trickle of the stream.

I feel Mars speaking to me. What are you trying to tell me?



The calm and steady trickle flows with me as I move closer and closer. I'm going down.

Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.

The Waterfall gets louder and louder in my head.

SSSSSSSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSS

My own thoughts quiet.

The water sparkles.

Fish jump in and out of the mighty waterbody.

The stream looks magnificent.

White spray in my face.

I feel the fresh mist upon my face and smile.

FWOMMM

CHK

I look down at my neck. I dart the size of a large hummingbird protrudes from my neck. I reach to remove and f al l . ..

RUSTLE

RATTLE

I can't open my eyes.

SMOOCH

Aaah!

"O-gay!"

I try to talk, but it's hard.

"AY!"

SPLASH

Ah, water! My friend!

My eyes open slowly. Crusted from long disuse. How long was I out?

Who? I can't make anyone out. Everything's blurry.

Slowly, my eyes adjust, and I see they're just three normal guys. Normal people!

I hope.

"What do you want with me?"

There's no answer. They seem to be wheeling me down a hallway. I'm bound to a cart.

"We need to talk."

His voice is gravely as he sets my stretcher up. I face them, even though I'm still bound up.

"Shot."

I'm getting tired of this, but I don't feel my strength. I guess I'm not threatened.

"You must preserve life."

"How can I preserve life and fight a war?!?"

I'm getting agitated.

"Please, please..."

"Please what?"

"Please, please..."

"Are you going to tell me what the heck yer talkin' about o--!?? AAAAOOOWWW!!!"

My head is covered in blood. A bat or mallet or something just smashed me. I'm about to pass out.

"You WILL preserve life..."

This-- guy-- is--

"...and we WILL preserve your life..."

-- uh...

"...understood?"

I nod.

The short one puts medicine on my wound and stitches me up. I almost lost too much blood. If that happened, I have no doubt my powers would have kicked in. Unfortunately, or fortunately, we didn't get that far.

And now, I've given my word to hear the man out.

"If you kill one more living being, the universe as we know it, will cease to exist."

I cease to listen to this fool!

"I hear your thoughts. You forget we possess telepathy."

"Actually, I just don't care that YOU possess telepathy!"

"I was speaking of the three of us, THE ALIENS FROM ANSAR!"

"Never heard of you!"

"The rumors of your fiery temper have not been greatly embellished. Indeed, you think with a clouded mind. There is but one recourse..."

The Aliens from Ansar drag me down to the sub-basement (Yeah, this subterranean San Simion has a sub-basement!), where I am to be put into who know's--

We arrive.

CREEEAAAK

Sounds like no one has used this room in ages.

And then, I see the device.

"This device amplifies our power."

As they hook the device to me, they plug needles connected to brightly colored wires into my arms. Blue, green, white, yellow, red...

"Pretty colors, Mr. Bond?"

I don't give him the satisfaction of answering.

"If you decide to get up, be sure to take out the right color wire first. There's a safety mechanism. It will inject you with a most deadly poison. Now, shall we begin?"

As the liquid pours into my veins, I'm overcome with a feeling that reminds me of the compound.

In mere moments, we will have you primed for an in-depth psychic molestation!

"Get-- out--!"

Too hard to talk, just get out of my head for a minute.

We prefer being in your head. Much better than being trapped in our own hyper-intelligent Ansarian megabrains!

I'm scared.

You SHOULD be--

CRACK

I rip punch him in the head and steal his weapon.

BA-ZAMM

BA-ZAMM

What do ya know, I'm a decent shot!

With the vaunted "Aliens from Ansar" out of commission, I'm left to figure out which wire to pull first, lest I choose wrong and trigger the release deadly neurotoxin. I can't take any chances.

The fear activated my super-strength, but it did nothing for my brain. Adrenaline courses through my veins. So hard to concentrate. Must stay calm, but I'm still scared.

How can I choose?

I look down at the wires and remember what Mars said.

"You are my avatar."

His eyes glared red with that sentence. His power is immeasurable. And, I am his avatar. Immediately before my abduction, I had just returned from spending several hours at the park reading a book my grandmother gave me. The book was all about eastern pjilosophy. I often thought about that book during my time in the project. Wasn't much else to do. Anyway, I seem to remember that avatars possess all the properties of whatever they represent. They are that being. I have all the powers of Mars within me. Mars must have a power to sense energy. That wierd book also said that everything in the universe is energy and a person can sense positive and negative energy. Maybe I can sense which wire to pull. If only I had the power of Mars. I don't-- I don't--

Can't think--!!

Some--

SON.

My vision turns hot, as a searing sensation makes its way around my mind.

BELIEVE IN ME. I AM YOU.

Okay. I will believe in you, Mars! Thanks!

BELIEVE IN ME. I AM YOU.

Hey, maybe it's like one of those chant things.

Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you. Believe in me. I am you.

He believes in me.

I pull the red wire and the rest of them and stand up.

Ouo, I'm woozy.

I stumble. I messed up! I'm dying!

I fall to the ground and wait for death to come. My neck hurts. I don't feel good. I'm-- still thinking! I get up and steady myself. I'm okay. I just got up too quickly! The red wire was the right choice! I did it!

I walk over to the alien on the ground, his big white bloody head.

WE ON... LY WAN-TED TO SHOW YOU...!

I glare at him. What does he mean?

Suddenly, a rift is opened of thin air afore me! Like ball lightening on a fantastic scale, I've seen nothing of this kind in my life!

"What is this treachery?!?"

The alien does not speak. He just lays there defiantly. The aliens never listen. I hate them. They all think they're so much smarter than I am. I can't stand them. Hhhhhhhh.

THE ALIEN IS DEAD.

Who?

"Whos speaks?"

IT IS I, THE UNIVERSAL CUSTODIAN.

Who?

I TAKE CARE OF UNIVERSAL MATTERS PERTAINING TO BALANCES UNPAID.

"What does that mean?"

IT MEANS THAT YOU'VE CAUSED A FUNDAMENTAL SHIFT WITHIN REALITY THAT HAS OPENED THE GATE TO PURGATORY AND IS SUCKING IN INNOCENTS.

"What do you want me to do about it?

YOU DON'T FEEL RESPONSIBLE?

"Of course."

THE CARING BEING WHO'S CORPSE BLOODIES THE FLOOR BENEATH YOUR FEET WAS WARNING YOU HONESTLY. HIS DEATH TRIGGERED THE UNIVERSAL IMBALANCE THAT HAS OPENED PURGATORY'S GATEWAY.

"What?"

IF--

"EVER!"

IF CHANGE IS NOT MADE, YOU WILL BE IMPRISONED IN PURGATORY FOREVER.

CONTINUED IN THE KILLZONE!

S.E.Amundson is Editor-in-Chief of THE NEW ADVENTURES and a devout Methodist.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

BattleBoy & THE MYSTERY OF THE ABDUCTORS

Slowly, I regain mass.

My abductors have found me.

That's it. I'm dead. Finally, I will be put out of my misery. It's over.

It's surprising how calm and relieved I feel as I materialize in the monochromatic toilet.

Bright lights shine in my eyes, and I can't see.

I can make out some long, shadowy figures.

"MURDERER!" ZZZMMMMVVVVVWWWAAAAWWWVVVMMMMZZZ

The laser beam sears the flesh on my stomach..., and... I... black... out...
...

The stars swim in constant blackness. Space. My only escape.
...

I wake up in the room. The same dream. Every night. My room, now. Not my real room; where my abductors keep me.

I sit on the bed and feel time wash over me.

How long has it been? ten? eleven years? The abduction, it seems-- I want it to seem like yesterday, but I can't. Time passes, and I feel dead. My life ended, that night.

I died.

SQUEEUEEUEEUEEUEE .

Grub!

SCCCCCCCCCCCCNK

The slot in the door slides open.

And, a plate of buttery steamed rice is thrown through.

CA-CLINK-NK-NK

Like a dog, I dig in to my dinner bowl.

How much rice can one man eat? Are these aliens Asian or something? Does that even make sense? I don't know much about these guys. They're very shadowy and mysterious. I feel wholly isolated.

Mmm, that rice was good. I drift off to sleep.
...

Wha? Wha? Lights? Whaere? Sleepy...

The aliens drag me through the hall. I remember my dad carrying me to bed.

I can't see them. Light's in my eyes.

Lights.

Sunlight?!?

The sun! Ah, it feels good.

It mocks me.

The faceless drones shove me onto the hot asphalt. School recess taunts my memories.

I'm in an empty courtyard.

I stand up.
...

I sit sweaty and alone. I kind of want to go back to the room.

I'd run around, but I feel them watching me.

Why did they put me out here just to let me sit. Are they planning on leaving me here?

SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHCLK

The door slides open, and a little girl is shoved into the courtyard.

She looks at me. Her eyes sparkle, even now, she's beautiful. She's afraid.

"Hey! Don't be scared. I'm a prisoner like you."

She looks at me, air moving back and forth against her big, pouty lips. She dooesn't believe me.

"Hey!"

I smile and approach her.

She slaps me and runs away crying.

"Get away!"

She thinks I'm going to run after her and hurt her. I can see that's happened a few times before.

She reminds me of myself.

I have to get her out of here.

I wake up, and images of my torture flash through my mind.

The past few weeks have been disgusting.

Nightmares I lived are still nightmares.

I have rods inserted through my stomach, mecha-parasites implanted in my bloodstream, who knows what kinds of chemicals in my nervous system.

Any sick test or experiment imaginable has been visited upon me in the weeks following my meeting Her in the courtyard.

What are they be doing to Her?

She's crying, panicked, in my head, and it makes me sick!

Can these images be real? How can I see what's happening to Her? Am I still dreaming? They must have done something to my mind.

Escape plans run through my head.

Schematics I saw when I was 13 run length ways across the lense of my mind's eye.

I run through the many times I've thought about it.

I think they could tell I was thinking about it. I always think about smashing their skulls with their enormous personal electronic equipment.

Technological homicide.

Haggard Hair flaps free of flames from a frag fire.

Blood on the microchip.

Alien bone on synthetic micro-fiber.

Fluorescent light on exposed internal organ.
...

White engulfs all.

The lights burn my eyes.

"AAAAAAAGHH!!!" A SCALPEL!

I pull away.

CLNKCHINK
CHNKCLINK
CLNKCHINK

I'M FREE!

"AWAY!" I swing my broken chains in a threatening fashion.

The alien doesn't back off, so I throttle him.

He looked vaguely familiar. Too bad his face is all beaten in.

Suddenly, I convulse.
...

"What do you mean you like me?"

I run my fingers through her full hair. The same wind hitting my face ripples through her hair.

Her lips heave and pout like a beautiful, blossoming flower.

"I feel comfortable with you."

"More so than with an alien"

I kiss her full lips. The warmth I feel, as I put my hands on her, thaws my iced heart, even as the arrows of Eros fly overhead.

Suddenly, a broadsword slices through the girl's neck! I panic! I move fast. It feels as if the blade connects, but I flee unharmed.

THUD

The girl's head hits the ground. How strange this lifeless head was, mere seconds ago, inhabited by the life of a bright and courageous young woman. I never knew her name, and yet she means more to me than everything in this entire damned valley.

I pull the chemical bomb from my belt. I'm no dummy. This bomb will knock the creature off balance, and then...!

PLOOM
...

I'm coming back. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare!

The lights so bright. I'm still here.

Focus slowly blurs a fond reintroduction.

I'm beating a thing with a chain. Dumb alien!

DIE!
DIE!
DIE!

His brains are bits, still I continue until a white light transports me from infirmary to control room.

Disoriented, once more, I grasp for balance, steeling myself for what's to come.

And, I see Her.

Wild as the winds, She touches me, and I hear mandolins.

She kisses me, and with that kiss, my life begins.

Like a leaf clings to a tree, My Darling clings to me.

It's as if no time has passed.

"How-- How are you alive?"

"What do you mean? We were seperated when The Beast attacked. Then, I woke up in here."

"But..."

"Shhh..."

She puts her lithe finger to my lips and pouts those lips of hers.

We kiss, and I survey the room.

No windows.

She feels nice in my arms.

No doors.

Her ample breasts push against my chest.

Nothing, but white styro-plastic.

I pull away.

"What have they done to you?!?" My voice cracks with anger.

"Nothing. These people are... our friends," she says.

"These aliens committed countless crimes against humanity on us!"

She grabs my forearms and pulls herself closer.

"No! The people that beamed you onto this ship are like us."

"Why should I even trust you, anyway, huh? I mean--"

"You don't have much choice."

"Bold words."

"Always."

She smiles. How can I be mad at her?

She squeezes my hand and leads me out of the room.

HHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHH

As the doors hum open, I sense uneasiness in her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

We walk down the corridor.

At the end of the hallway, I see it. The bane of my childhood is in front of me.

The shocker.

"It's for your own good! They're going to-- !"

I almost throw up.

The shocker.

THE SHOCKER!

THE SHOCKER!!!

I panic and tear open the wall. The metal massages my palms. Sparks fly. Bolts bounce.

I tear through the next wall and the next wall and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next. People yell at me, but I tear through the next wall and fall right out of the ship.

"OH, CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...!!!!"

"...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!"

I fly into the ground with a

THOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM

The impact echoes throughout the vast valley basin, shattering the seemingly endless silence for what seems like hours...
...

The damp air of the forest floor cools my nostrils...

In.

Out.

In.
...

She's so tired.

The Girl reminds me of someone from home, and it pains me to see Her tired.

Her lips kind of do that thing.

I pick her up and run as far away from the compound as I can.

We have to escape!

My legs are like the wheels on a car. I'm amazed how far I can run with her.

I'm calm only for a second.

That's all it takes and, boom, my legs go out.

We tumble to the ground.

My bloody knee burns.

I lose all my energy, but She gives it back to me for that one brief moment, the moment before her head fell off.
...

I open my eyes and get up off the grounds.

I have to escape!

I shake the leaves off my undershirt. I'm fine. No scrapes. Nothing. What am I?!?

They'll be here, any second!

I'm scared. What have I become? How do I get home? Where am I? Am I still on earth? I need answers.

A butterfly flutters around me, and escape feels a little less impossible.

I pick up a rock and begin to run.

I run as fast as I can through the massive tree trunks, over the skeletal corpses of my predeccesors.

...........................................................................................................................................

Time, They say, waits for no man.

That's what They say. They would; Dirty Aliens!

The Alien Menace loves to rub it in everyone's faces that they can stop time in closely-targeted areas.

If only they'd use it to help people, instead of using it for abduction and brutalization.

I hate Them.

That's what I think as my matter reconfigures on the ship's bridge.

I think I see The Girl. I wonder what her name is, but now is probably not the time to ask, seeing as I do the gunman pointing the incineration rifles at me.

I gasp for air, as my lungs complete their strange regrowth, and two aliens pin me to the wall.

The Girl slowly approaches me.

As she nears, she stretches her arms and the top of her shirt opens enough to see a nice patch of her warm cheast heaving with sensual energy.

"Why do you have to drag me into this?" I ask.

"These people want to help you."

"They're aliens!"

"No. They're people like us, we stole a ship and mastered their holographic identity adaptor. We wanted you to help us take on the real aliens, but since you killed one of our best men, you don't have a choice. Join us--"

Two more aliens draw their inceration rifles and aim them at my head.

"-- OR DIE!"

I've been dead for ten years.

I tell the woman to leave me alone.

The guards approach, but my knife already digs into her throat. Whoever she is, her life will be the one in danger as I escape.

"BACK AWAY OR SHE DIES."

The guards keep coming.

"I'LL DO IT."

It's no use.

I run for my life, breaking through walls. The guards are on me so I turn and grab one, but the other gets off a shot.

KA-CHOW!

The bullet ricochets off my head, and I throw the guard into the far wall.

I'm dead.

Cumulus clouds once more obscure the full harvest moon.

Pitch black envelops the damp forest brush.

Rain pours 'twixt the branches of the forested valley region.

Winds ravage trees and bushes.

Loose branches fly through the sky.

I fall into the ground, and a clasp of thunder roars into the night.

As I rise, I look to my left to find the girl. I feel her neck. I don't feel a pulse.

I breath into her mouth. I pound on her chest.

Still, nothing. Nothing, at all.

Her cold eyes stare at me. I hold her close. She's gone.

I think I might have loved her, if given the chance.

I'm all alone. I feel scared, again.

BAMBOOSHBASHKBAGSHBOOM!!!!!!

A barrage of rocket shells explode against my back!

I turn around to find the thing I least expect.

Red haze, all I see is...

Red haze... until...

The man in the light's locus stares into my eyes with intensity.

He doesn't have to say anything. I know his name.

MARS.

I remember a commercial from before my kidnapping.

"Spring is in the air."

Fresh grass; green leaves; clean air...!

MARS.

I hear it in my head. Full of red, full of blood and life, this hero, this villain, stands afore me.

As if he has some special knowledge to share with me, the King of Spring, the God of Vigilance, once more glares at me with a stance that gives away an air of righteous indignation that seethes and moves in and out, around, under and above me, until...

...until a small light flashes over head and I hear it.
.............................................................................................................................................

The slight hum of an alien craft is audible as time freezes and the white closes in, but in that very last moment, Mars raises his hand, and we are swept away to a land of valleys and vistas, a land ten times more beautiful than any I have known before, a land only gazed upon within the mists of bygone dreams before.

Birds sing a chorus as I follow my host down the primrose path ahead.

My nose fills with the smells of freshly bloomed flowers, as butterflies flutter, and bees collect nectar not a foot from my person.

The sky breathes and pulsates with life, as do the trees with the respiration of The Great One, all around.

We come to a table, and Mars motions that I sit down.

I follow his direction and rest my weary butt in a chair of great cratsmanship. It's wooden exterior hides a shape that makes one feel as if they are lying on maiden or the aquatic.

And so, Mars joins me at the oblong table.

I wait for him to speak.

"JULIUS..."

As he opens his mouth, saliva drools down his chin in a cascade of charismatic over-slobberings.
When he sounds of new baby linen leaves his mouth, I don't hear, for he's just blown my mind.

I don't know what's going on, who I am, who's "Julius?"

"YOU ARE JULIUS"

My mind burns as memories brand my brain as painfully as possible.

BSH BSH BSH

Shrapnel bombs explode on the ground in front of me, and I fall to the ground. My leg has been blown off.

Blood flows as water, warming me into light and red and

Mars holds me close and tells me things only someone not dying might be able to grasp, but then, he lays hands on me and fuses my leg together as one, once more again and forevermore with any impossible hope to yet be found in this being.

"YOU ARE LUCKY FOR NOW. THE RULES WILL NOT ALWAYS ALLOW THIS."

Mars bounds thirty feet into the air.

The leaves rustle through the trees, as he flies overhead.

BSH BSH BSH

Shells explode on his seemingly inpenetrable chest, only serving to make him more intensely aggravated.

His eyes burn red, and his helmet begins to spin around his head, slowly at first, then picking up speed.

As he dissappears behind the shrubbery, all I hear are the sounds of death.

WHOMP

Mars lands in front of me, as if to inspire terror in my very being. I'm unsure if this is merely instinct or by design. I'd rather not find out.

We stare, eye to eye, face to face until...

"SIT DOWN."

I do. Out of respect, you must understand, and respect only for Mars. Never have I seen such a specimen of physical incongruity, even during my experiences in deep space and beyond, Mars is an anomoly.

SHKAAASSSHHZZZZHHHBBOOOOOMMM

I hear a massive explosion, and then Mars floats down to his seat afore my wandering eyes, wandering to the left of thy host.

There appears a miniature wine goblet, and from a hole arises a creature both wise and small, and yet utterly disgusting. This tiny man, shrunken by his own earthen science is not beast nor foul, though surely one must not call him human. For he hath been warped by Megalomania and disease. For fear and ego, he plunders his world with an uncommon disregard for the Laws of Man.

"RELAX."

As the seething red of his words burns through my soul, I begin to catch my bearings and stop writhing in agony. I begin to see his point of view. He needs me. He's trying to be nice. Nice, like a steam stack of hate can be nice.

"YOU ARE MY SON."

My head swims in a sea of noxious red. Words have been carved on my mind with the flames of some distant shore. I fear a n--

"YOU ARE MY SON..."

He says it, again, and I lose consciousness.

***

Mars slaps me.

"AWAKE."

I try to rise.

"YOU ARE MY SON, INHERITOR OF MY POWER; MY AVATAR ON THIS EARTH."

The words enthrall me.

"THAT IS WHY YOUR POWER COMES ONLY WITH FEAR!"

That's why my powers only worked sporadically! They must only kick in when I'm terrified. Talk about a catch 22!

"BE AFRAID. YOU ARE AT WAR WITH THE ALIEN MENACE. THEY MEAN TO DRIVE YOU FROM DESTRUCTION VALLEY. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. "

And then, he disappears into a fine red mist and then completely. I'm his avatar. Here to enforce his wishes on "this" earth. That's what he said. He looked like he meant business.
..............................................................................................................................................................

That's when I notice time's stopped.

I fade back into existence on the bridge of a phantom starship to find someone waiting for me that I would have thought is dead, but I had a hunch. I find it best to go with my gut in these situations.

I make a fist.

I make a fist as I stare into the face of the girl I watched die in my arms.

Twice.

Maybe more, it's hard to remember.

"What the hell is going on?!?"

She says nothing with her voice, but everything with her body language. Her hips sway with the sounds of shrieking incondolance. Her fingers rub together in a hollering hootinanny of howling hysteria. Her legs cross in a tirade of tauntingly tenacious troublesomeness.

Damn, she's angry at me!

"You're a clone of someone I once knew that died..."

"I know..."

She stares at me like nothing I've ever seen before.

"...Aren't you going to ask me my name?"

I think about it for a minute.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, what?"

She SNAPs her fingers, and some aliens lock me in a hold.

I struggle to get free, but they're strong.

Another alien thug comes up and punches me in the stomach.

HUUUHH!

He knocks the wind out of me. It hurts. My strength is gone. These idiots don't scare me.

"Ask me my name!"

"Um, yeah... what is your name, anyway?"

HUUUUHH!

He punches me, again.

"My name is JANSA, Queen of Outer Mongo."

"You're not from Mongo!"

I stutter from the tears.

"You're not! You're lying!!!"

I run at "Miss Jansa," but her guards grab me and toss me in a holding cell. Through the bars, Jansa continues.

"I don't lie, Boy. I am Jansa, Ruling Matriarch of Outer Mongo, a planet four times the size of this mudball."

"'This mudball.' What do you mean?"

"The planet we hover above... Earth."

I'm still on earth! I knew I felt my family close. Not close, but not beyond the stars. Hope intoxicates me, and I ready for the fight of my life.

"Jansa."

The words sound strange and yet familiar. I'm taken to another world. I'm transported to another person. I orient to an existense i which I've never had to to, but wanted all. I'm weak. I'm controlled by--

"Don't talk to me! I will do the talking. You will LISTEN!!!!!!!"

The girl I knew was never this crazy. And, she was certainly no queen. Maybe she was thrown in that detention camp for political reasons. Was she some sort of political prisoner? How'd she come back from death? Maybe she has powers like mine.

"Listen! Stop thinking about yourself and listen to me for once!"

Hm.

"Your name is Julius. You were my lover in ancient Rome."

Ancient Rome? That would explain my memories. That would explain a lot of things, but I don't quite understand how it's possible. I'm not yet twenty years old. How could I have lived and loved in the Roman Empire?

"We were once demi-gods, you and I, until the aliens stole you away for their sick corruptions. Your soulsought escape in the womb of Julia Bond. You gestated and lost all knowledge of your previous lives and experiences only to be dragged back into the same never-ending struggle to begin anew, this time in the body of Julius Bond, the boy who's brain you killed and revived as your own when he was but a defenseless fetus."

My mind races.

"You still have it Julius."

I don'tknow what to think.

SKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSHSHSHSHHHHHHHH

One hundred armed doppelgangers of Jansa teleport through the matter interface through which I traveled mere moments ago.

VVVVVVVMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

As the army of energy artillery warms for base destruction, so too do I warm as I ready to kill a hundred and one of these bedraggled old broads.

CONTINUED IN THE GALAXY WAR!

BattleBoy & THE GREAT ESCAPE

The light of the dawning sun glistens off the blade of the blood-drenched broadsword I hold in my hands and over the craggly cliff's edge into the lush valley below.

My chest heaves, struggling to catch my breath.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

An explosion rocks the very land on which I stand.

I run for safety. The ground gives way beneath me. In desperation, I leap and struggle to grasp solid ground, but find only dirt clods.

Freefalling to certain death, I relive moments of this life in my mind.
...

I'm born into an awesome family; mom, dad, younger brother, Mike, older sister, Christina.

My friends are hilarious. My best friend is Daniel.

Everything is great.

I feel safe.

I feel alive.
...

A snowy night in February. My last.

Bright lights.

I drop my cigarette.

It levitates an inch below my hand. Wierd, for some reason, the smoke keeps moving.

I'm only ten, and I'm scared.

What is happening?

I feel disembodied for what seems like forever.
...

The room's cold, dry.

There's nothing here.

I shiver.
...

I see the faces of the villagers I massacred.

Weak, pathetic.

Only one fought back.

One.
...

Wind blows through my hair!

Ten years older.

Alone.

Pulling off this escape, I feel like Houdini, Nelson Mandela, and Keifer Sutherland rolled into one.

I feel good, finally.
...

The hot sun warms my face, as I bath in the lake's cooling waters.

I feel like hundreds of pounds of stress has been lifted from me.

I feel relaxed, finally.
...

PLOOM

The makeshift bio-chemical bomb explodes.

I charge the monster, while he's down, and steal his sword.

I stab him-- it, with intensity.

Die, Jerk!

Over and over, I slice. I slice.

Adrenaline pumps through me.

I have the idiot in the air, gravity doing my work for me, as the sword destroys what's left of the thing's interior.

What's the creature thinking, as his body slides from his blade and into the valley below.

His twisted visage is unreadable as it falls to it's almost certain demise.
...

The wind in my face wallops me into lucidity as I near the forest floor.

I pray for forgiveness from God.

Brace for fatal impact.

SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Something's pushing me forward?

I'm hurtling through the air at 500 miles an hour toward the mountains in the south.

I look over my shoulder, and what do I find?

The pain in my back is being caused by a bullet!

My skin must somehow be too tough for the bullet to penetrate.

What did they do to me?!?

Think fast.

The bullet wasn’t strong enough to pierce my hide, the ground shouldn’t hurt at all.

THUUDDD

I slam into the forest floor from 30 yards up.

"Aaow."

Body hurts.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

Make that pounding in my head stop!!!

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

What happened to the damned invulnerability?

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

I try, but can't move it.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

Barely summon energy.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

Stay awake.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

Eyes hurt. Why won't this pounding in my head stop?!?

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

Shut.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG

For.

CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
CHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNGCHUNG
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...

TIK

TIK

I open my eyes to a cool, blue sky.

TIK

Nice breeze...

TIK

What's that sound?

TIK

"AAAAAAGH!!!! I'm chained to a bomb!"

TIK

What's the timer say?!?

00:00:09

TIK

00:00:08

TIK

00:00:08

WHAT THE HECK?!?

TIK

00:00:007

I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!

TIK

TERRIFIED! I PANIC!! BREAK THE CHAIN!!!

TIK

CLNKCHINK
CHNKCLINK
CLNKCHINK

DID IT!

TIK

I throw the bomb forty yards,

TIK

run away,

TIK

jump behind an old oak--

00:00:01

TIK

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0000000OOOOOOOOOOOOM

Shrapnel death rains down atop me. Thank the Lord that the oak branches shielded me from harm.

Whoever's behind this-- he's serious.

I take inventory.

Everything's A-okay!

I peek out from behind the tree's trunk.

Stand

Slow.

Slow.

The woods are still.

Too.

Still.

A light breeze flows between the trees.

I'm scared.

Where is this psycho?

---------------------------DOINK

Something thumped me in the back of the head.

As I turn, a bullet smacks me in the face.

---------------------------DOINK

I pick up a rock and throw it where I think the guy is.

BSHHSHSHS

Shit, I hit the bushes!

--------------------------DOINK

Crap!

There's another stone!

I duck behind the tree.

With a quickness, I peek my head out to get a bead on the guy.

I pull my head back. There's no telling if this invulnerability will hold up. I can't risk going in close until I have some idea how these powers work.

TKT
TKT
TKT
TKT
TKT

Bullets barrage bark on the tree's side opposite myself.

It's too dark, I can't see him.

"Where's my sword?"

He's not going to fall for it.

"Is not yours! Is Sully's!"

Yes! Where's the voice coming from?

"Sully's dead."

"You dead!"

He's behind the bushes on the southeast corner of the clearing!

I throw the rock to what I hope is the sound's locus.

"UGH!"

BBKKSH

Musta been a big dude. I run over to peruse the personage of my phantom pursuer.

He's alien.

Why do all the aliens, unlike My Beastly Attacker, speak in broken English?

I pry the semi-automatic rifle from his warm, dead paws. If there's one thing I hate, it's aliens! I've never met a good one.

I hit his bulbous forehead with the gun's barrel.

"Where's my sword?"

The alien shakes a little bit.

I kick his womanly jaw.

"Where?"

The alien opens his large, opaque eyes.

I point the gun at them.

"Where?"

The little mouth opens, slobber running down his slight chin.

"3."

"...sssshhhhh--"

"2."

"--hhh--"

"1."

"--"

BLAM

Maybe I'll meet a good one, but I ain't holding my breath.

.......................................................................................................................

A ship!

I drop to the ground and roll down into the creek bed, trying to cover myself in the cool, wet mud, but the creek bed's pretty dry. I hope this is enough to throw off their heat sensors!

I'm motionless.

........................................................................................................................

That low, nothing sound is the ship cruising over the clearing. If not for my decade with these things, I wouldn't even notice. That's the idea, anyway.

........................................................................................................................

Still hovering, but they haven't turned on their lights.

.........................................................................................................................

Ambient light engulfs the area.

I can't move.

I feel disembodied for what seems like forever.

CONTINUED IN THE MYSTERY OF THE ABDUCTORS!